Safety Planning

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Before a violent encounter:

• Practice how to get out of your home safely. Identify which doors, windows, or stairwell would be best.
• Have an extra set of keys and a packed bag ready; keep them in an undisclosed but accessible place in order to leave quickly.
• Identify a neighbor you can tell about the violence and ask that they call the police if they hear a disturbance coming from your home.
• Devise a code word to use with your children, family, friends, and neighbors when you need the police
• Teach your children how to dial 911.
• Decide and plan for where you will go if you have to leave home (even if you don't think you will need to).

• Domestic Violence is a crime. You have the right to be safe! Please call for help. You are not alone.

  Call you local domestic violence project for more guidance.
• Teach your children how to get out or find safety
• Always remember: You don't deserve to be hit, threatened or controlled!

Safety During an Explosive Incident:

• Follow the steps for Before a violent encounter and …
• If an argument seems unavoidable, try to have it in a room or area that has access to an exit and not in a bathroom, kitchen, or anywhere near weapons.
• Use your instincts and judgment. If the situation is very dangerous, consider giving the abuser what they want to calm them down. You have the right to protect yourself until you are out of danger.

Safety When Preparing to Leave:

• Open a checking and/or savings account in your own name to begin to establish or increase your independence. Rent a post office box to receive mail that may not be safe to receive at home. Think of other ways in which you can increase your independence.
• Leave money, an extra set of keys, copies of important documents, and extra clothes with someone you trust so you can leave quickly.
• Determine who would let you stay with them or lend you money.
• Keep your local domestic violence project’s number nearby, and have change or a calling card with you at all times for emergency phone calls. Remember: you may call collect, or use the toll-free number, 24 hours a day.
• Review your safety plan as often as possible. Remember: Leaving may be the most dangerous time.

Safety in Your Own Home:

• Change your door locks as soon as possible. Buy additional locks and safety devices to secure your windows.
• Discuss a safety plan with your children for when you are not with them.
• Inform your children's school, day care, etc., about who has permission to pick up your children.
• Inform neighbors and landlord that your partner no longer lives with you and that they should call the police if they see this person near your home.

Safety with a Protection Order:

• If you have one, keep your protection order on you at all times.
• Call the police if your partner breaks the protection order in any way.
• Think of alternative ways to keep safe if the police do not respond right away.
• Inform family, friends, neighbors, teachers, that you have a protection order in effect, and give them relevant details (who has custody, when and where visitation takes place, etc.).

Safety in the Workplace:

• If you feel comfortable, tell your boss and coworkers. Your office may set up a safety policy.
• Post your protection order.
• Tell your co-workers and office security to call the police if they see your batterer at the workplace.
• Show them the batterer's picture.
• Ask coworkers not to tell where you are if your batterer comes to the workplace or calls.
• Ask someone to screen your calls.
• Move to an alternate worksite, avoid sitting with back to doors, lobbies or street level windows and include barriers in victim’s work space such as desks, bookcases, walls, furniture
• Carry cell phones, use escorts to vehicles, and park close to building
• Keep your office door locked if you can.
• Plan an escape route if your partner comes to work.
• Work when other people are there, never alone.
• Vary your route and the times you go to work.

Safety in the Community

• Vary or change any routine your partner may be familiar with. Change groceries, banks, day care.
• Go out during the busiest times.
• Have people you trust walk you to and from your car.
• Take someone with you.
• Carry a whistle.
• Take a self defense class.
• Program the police, crisis line or friend on your cell phone. Keep it with you at all times.

What to take if you leave:

• Identification
• Driver's license and registration
• Your birth certificate
• Money
• Lease, rental agreement, deed
• Address book
• Bank books
• Checkbooks
• Children's small toys
• Credit cards
• Divorce papers
• Green card
• Insurance papers
• Jewelry
• Keys - house, car, office
• Medications
• Medical records
• Passport
• Personal treasures
• Pictures
• School identification
• Small saleable objects
• Social Security card
• Welfare Identification
• Work permits
• Other

Keep in mind that you can always call your local domestic violence project to receive help in any of these areas or with other issues related to domestic violence. Someone is there to help you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Call anytime.

Determining an Abuser’s Lethality

There can never be a guarantee of safety in an abusive situation. Nonetheless, it is extremely important to determine how dangerous a partner is and to have a safety plan.

It is critical to consider the potential for lethality within an abusive relationship. Without effective intervention, domestic violence can escalate in severity and in some instances result in homicide. Certainly all batterers are dangerous; however, some are more likely to kill than others. Furthermore, some are more likely to kill at specific times. There are indicators that will help assess a batterer's potential to kill. When a victim is killed by their abuser, it frequently occurs after they have been separated from them or taken other action to end the relationship. It is important to consider the following:

• Threats of homicide or suicide. These must be considered extremely dangerous. Batterers may threaten suicide, but they will want to take their partners as well.
• Weapons. The use of guns is a strong predictor, but threats and access to weapons should also be considered life-threatening.
• Alcohol and/or drug use.
• Extreme jealousy and obsessive need to control or monitor partner's behavior; refusal to end the relationship even if divorced; feels entitled; violates protection orders; follows; jealous of new partner (you will never belong to another!); often imagines things; has distorted thinking; believes there can be no life without partner. These are very life endangering behaviors.
• Surveillance of activities. Will go to extremes to monitor behavior.
• Separation. When abusers believe they are about to lose their partners and can't envision life without them, they may choose to kill. This is a very dangerous time. (Some kill long before they have any idea that the relationship will end.)
• Depression. Research shows that many people who are hospitalized for depression have fantasies directed at family members.
• Access. Careful safety planning may help limit the contact an abuser has with their partner.